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Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

This is the first part of the first chapter.  I figured I would post a little teaser as I worked on the rest of it.  I cannot promise that I will get it up today, but I will definately try.  Anyway, this first part isn't much, its more of a teaser, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

 

9:30 Dragon, early in the year.


I, Duncan, Commander of the Grey here in Ferelden, have made progress my mission.  I set out from Ostagar months ago, searching for recruits, and much to my great surprise, my first find is a dwarf, one of the casteless.  Dwarven society has always been hard for me to understand, and their treatment of the casteless is no different.  The dwarves are a part of a rigid caste system, where you are born into a caste, and stuck there for the rest of your life.  Smiths are smiths, warriors are warriors, servants are servants; the only way to lose your caste and name is to become a casteless, by committing some crime.


The odd thing to note about the casteless, is that most of them are not the original criminal.  Their ancestor committed some crime so heinous, that even there children, some of them being hundreds of generations removed, are still stuck in Dust Town, less then dirt, and with no way to redeem there selves.  When I arrived at Orzammar, one of two dwarven cities underground that has not been overrun by the darkspawn in the Deep Roads, to try and find a recruit, the dwarves held a Proving to show me their best fighters, the ones they considered worthy to join the Grey Wardens.  Not a single casteless was allowed to participate in this tournament.


His name is Hideki Brosca, and he has been nice enough to travel and train with me as a look for more recruits.  While his fear the sky will suck him up is amusing, the the story of how I met him is even more interesting.  I shall record it with the most detail as much as best as I can in this journal, for I fear that my time may be up soon.  I am beginning to hear the Call.  But, this entry is not about me.  Its about Hideki.  And his courage to rise up to protect his family.

 

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 16, 2011 at 4:10 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Cecil-Jacobs
Member
Posts: 739

Sweet. I could hear Duncan's voice actor reading this as I read.

Are you planning on writing a chapter or two on each character's origin, or just Hideki?

--

Ask me about my waifus

"I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless". James Broughton

May 16, 2011 at 5:29 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

All characters are going to have a few chapters for themselves, or at least each character will be prominent in a chapter, even if they aren't necessarily the only important character in said chapter.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 16, 2011 at 6:57 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

it's weird to think of Hideki as a dwarf >.< i can't rate to hear more about him though!


also, i added a link to this on the homepage, whilst updating everything else on there too.

--

The destructor has gone

May 16, 2011 at 7:59 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

((This is the second part of the first chapter, involving Hideki.  I tried my past to capture who Hideki is, and I'm not to confident on how I did.  I also don't think I did too well on this chapter, as it doesn't quite feel exactly how I wanted it to.  That aside, I'm also sure I'm just being overly critical, so let me know what you guys think!!))


Hideki sat in a chair across from the room from the table his mother laid passed out on, his gaze locked onto his mother.  The sight of his mom like this saddened and angered him, but there was nothing he could do.  He didn't want to be in this room with her, but living in a two room house with his sister had some issues.  For instance, when Rica was getting ready for her appointments with Beraht, she always got the second room to herself.  It was unladylike to let a man in the room while she changed, she said.  Hideki sighed.  He only hoped Beraht's visit wouldn't wake Mother.  That was a disaster waiting to happen.

 

The door into their house slammed open, and Hideki jumped up, ready to fight.  For a second he thought it was another rash house-thief, hoping the occupants of the house would be too afraid or weak to fight back.  What it actually was didn't calm Hideki down at all, but put him more on edge.  Wearing mail that jingled as he walked, Beraht himself stepped into the house.  His sword at this side, and his shield on his arm, Beraht looked ready for battle, and with a scowl to boot.  His long, braided brown beard was tucked into his armor, and his hair was well groomed.  It was a stark contrast to anyone you could find in Dust Town.

 

Hideki glanced at his mom, who still slept peacefully.  Beraht, without a word, walked to the back room, motioning for Hideki to follow.  He slammed open the door, once again, causing Hideki to once more glance in the direction of his mother, who remained unphased.  Hideki looked into the room, to find Rica, his sister,  sitting on the sole bed in their house.  She was wearing fine lace, something only the nobles should be able to afford, and had her hair pulled back.  She was beautiful, Hideki had to admit, and it pained him to know what she had to do to help support the family.

 

"Look at that, pretty face, all the lace she could ever want, and still...what do I get?  Nothing."  Beraht was nice enough to keep his voice low, but his anger and authority was still apparent.  Rica shook her head.  "I'm trying, Beraht, I really am."  Hideki stepped into the room, trying his best to keep his cool.  He knew how Beraht was with his sister, and he hated it.  But for the sake of his family, he had to keep his cool.  "Then get me a sodding prince brat!  You aren't half bad for a duster, so I can't imagine it being too hard to shake your ass a little and get a little action from some desperate noble.  I've put too much coin into you for it to pay off, so get off your ass, and go get yourself a bellyful of noble brat!"

 

Rica shook her head, looking up at Hideki, who was trying his best not to rush Beraht.  It was hard work, for Hideki, being as protective of his family as he was, but he had no choice.  If he attacked Beraht, assuming Beraht didn't have him and his whole family killed, life would become so much worse for his sister, and he wouldn't have that.  He'd rather bed a nug then let his sister not have the life she deserves.  "Please, Beraht, can we not talk about this in front of my brother?" Rica asked, looking pleadingly up at Beraht.  Beraht laughed, motioning towards Hideki.  "Why not?  He knows the slope of the land, don't ya, boy?"

 

Hideki DID know the slope of the land, as he had said, but it did not mean Beraht had the right to treat his sister that way.  He was shaking by this point, the thoughts of all his previous wrongs towards his sister festering in his mind, making him angrier.  "Leave Rica alone, Beraht," Hideki said, his teeth clenched.  Beraht laughed, noticing Hideki's anger.  They had been through this before, and Hideki was starting to believe that Beraht did it on purpose.  Beraht knew Hideki wouldn't do anything about it, because Hideki would not put his family in more danger then necessary.  Beraht seemed to enjoy this game more then he did finding knew ways to call Rica a whore, and would play it any chance he got.

 

"I pay the bills here, and I make sure you eat something alongside all the dirt.  I gave your sister her lace, and I can sure as Stone take it away."  Beraht was in Hideki's face by the time he finished speaking, a sinister smile spreading across his face.  Beraht's eyes locked onto Hideki's, and niether backed down.  The smell of the alcohol on Beraht's breath only served to anger Hideki further.

 

"Please, Hideki, don't get involved."  Rica said, reaching out and placing a hand on Hideki's shoulder.  "Yes," Beraht said, mimicing the sweetness of Rica's voice, "back down little nug.  Before I show you where dusters like you belong."  Hideki stood face to face with Beraht for a few seconds longer, before backing down and taking a few steps back.  His eyes never left, Beraht's, however, and he never once showed any signs of weakening.  "What do you want, Beraht?" Hideki asked, his anger making his voice cold and flat.

 

Beraht turned, his gaze turning to Rica, who backed up and sat back on the bed, pointedly not meeting his gaze.  "I want your sister here to get a bellyful of noble brat.  And when he's born, I'll become a noble, living it up in the Diamond Quarter.  And you two will be calling me Lord Beraht whenever I feel the good graces enough to allow casteless scum to talk in my presence."  Beraht laughed, smiling.  "But poor little Rica here seems to be having some trouble, don't you?"  Beraht's hand reached out, grabbing Rica's chin and forcing her to look at him.  Rica pulled away, and it took everything Hideki had to tackle Beraht right then and there.

 

"I-I think I found a patron.  I just didn't want to make any promises.  He seemed interested, though."  Rica said, standing up and moving away from Beraht, closer to Hideki.  Beraht smiled.  "Then I think you have an appointment.  Go make SURE he sodding likes you, and you better do it fast.  If you aren't full of noble brat in a week, I'm cutting you and your family off.  And that'll be it, if your lucky."  Beraht laughed again, this one cold and menacing.  Hideki stepped forward, deciding that before he did something that seriously messed everything up, he needed to get Beraht out.  "What is my job, Beraht?" Hideki asked, clenching and unclenching his fist constantly.

 

Beraht stopped laughing, walking passed Hideki, towards the exit.  He turned around, his smile gone.  "Leske is outside waiting on you.  He knows what you two have to do.  And make it quick, I don't have all day to wait on a couple of dusters."  Beraht promptly turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  Mother continued to sleep, undisturbed by anything.

 

Hideki felt Rica's hand on his shoulder.  "I'm sorry you had to hear that, brother."  Hideki shook his head.  He hated being casteless.  Hundreds of years ago some ancestor of his, a Smith, he was told, had committed some crime, and doomed every one of his lineage to live in Dust Town, working for Beraht if they planned on having any money whatsoever.  It was a stupid system, and Hideki hated it, but what could they do?

 

"Brother?"  Rica asked, gently turning Hideki around to face her.  Hideki simply shook his head.  "I hate the way he treats you, Rica.  I hate the way he treats us."  Rica sighed, smiling, pulling her younger brother into a hug.  "I know, brother, but we need the money.  And he's the only one who will hire dusters like us.  The other options, cleaning middens, begging...They just don't work."

 

She was right.  Hideki hated that he was being punished for something some relative he never knew did.  Hideki pulled away from Rica.  "As many people I have to fight for Beraht, I wish I could just join the army.  Fight the darkspawn.  Hell, as good as I am, I could probably become a Paragon for killing them all off."  Rica laughed at that, returning to sitting on the bed.  "Yeah, like they'll let a casteless join the army, let alone become a Paragon.  You'd disgrace the Smith Caste's weapons, you would, and proving you are better then anyone in the Warrior Caste is grounds for execution."

 

Hideki smiled.  He had always dreamed of fighting some of the warriors in the Warrior Caste, besting them and proving his worth.  Maybe raising him and his family up to the Warrior Caste themselves.  That would never happen, though, and Hideki knew, despite his wildest dreams, that until the Stone's embrace, he would be a casteless piece of dirt.  He looked at Rica, and managed a small smile.  "I'm just not happy with any of this.  You deserve better, you deserve to be a noble.  By the Stone, you look better then any noble I've seen."  Rica smiled, shaking her head.  "I know, brother, I know.  But shouldn't you get going?  I bet Leske is wondering where you are."

 

Hideki nodded, his earlier irritation only slightly abated.  He collected his sword and shield, and once both were firmly stored away for easy access if needed, he turned to Rica.  "I will find us a better life.  I promise."  Rica only nodded, and Hideki turned to leave, stepping back out into the room his mother laid passed out in.  He only hoped he could get through without waking her up.

 

While Hideki feared no blade and no warrior, he did fear his mother, as any good dwarf would.  The difference here being that Hideki's mother was likely still drunk, and very capable of tearing Hideki to shreds without any sort of effort.  After all, it was her who taught Hideki how to fight.

 

He was almost to the door when he heard, "Huh?  Whozzat?  Who is botherin' me?  Rica?"  Hideki sighed, spinning around.  "No, Mother, its me.  Hideki."  His mother was sitting up on the table, squinting at Hideki.  "I know that!  Do I look like some kind of idiot, that I can't tell who my own kin is?"  Angry, she tried to pick her self up off the table, but only ended up toppling off into the floor, unmoving.  Soon after, a snore erupted from her.  Hideki simply turned around, sighing, his hand resting on the door handle.  "No, Mother.  Nevermind.  Just...sleep it off.  Again."  Hideki opened his door and took a step outside.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 16, 2011 at 8:08 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Cecil-Jacobs
Member
Posts: 739

The only negative critique I have is there are some minor mechanical errors. Some sentences don't seem right. 
I have a smiliar problem when writing, but I found that if you read the chapter aloud you can find and fix any of those problems.

Otherwise, great work! Having just played a Castless Dwarf this story is still fresh on my mind and you are pulling it off well. I am especially fond of how you are describing some of the unqiue aspects of Dragon Age (Such as Class Systems in Dwarves) for the non-dragon age literate folk here. It gives your story wealth.

--

Ask me about my waifus

"I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless". James Broughton

May 16, 2011 at 9:10 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

Hideki noticed Leske immediately upon leaving his house.  He was leaned up against a broken wall that used to form a house, smiling profusely.  Hideki's temper flared again at seeing the building, as only recently was it converted from a home for six to a testament on how things were in Dust Town.  People would lie in the dirt, begging for money or food from people they knew had nothing to spare.  It always angered Hideki when the nobles did this, destroying buildings in Dust Town for a building somewhere up in the Diamond Quarter.  It was worse for Hideki since he knew this particular family, all but one having been in the house when it was destroyed.  Hideki remembered that day, his sister Rica holding him back from charging the guards who were busy knocking the roof of the building in on the family.

 

"About sodding time," Leske called, standing up off his perch against the building, "I was beginning to think I was gonna have to bust in there and get a look at your spicy sister.  Ga-row!"

 

Hideki's temper flared once again, stepping towards Leske.  "I told you not to talk about my sister like that, Leske."  Leske, laughed, holding his hands up in front of him, taking a few steps back.  "No hot-blooded dwarf can help themselves, Hideki!  Those perfect lips, just designed to be screaming my name," Leske said, having backed himself into another wall.  Hideki was in his facec now, his irritation apparent.  "C'mon, you must have had some naughty thoughts yourself, eh?"  Leske offered, attempting to calm Hideki down, or at least send the conversation to a more favorable place.  "What do you say?"  Leske asked.

 

Hideki responded by punching Leske in the side of the head, sending Leske stumbling off to the side, falling to the ground.  "Keep talking like that about my sister and I'll feed you your spleen, Leske."  Hideki growled, waiting for Leske to jump right back up.  Instead, Leske simply stood up, dusted himself off, and smiled at Hideki, a large bruise begining to form on the side of his face.  "At least I'd have something to eat," Leske said, still smiling.  Hideki calmed himself down.  He wouldn't apologize for punching Leske, but he knew that Leske was just like him; doing work he didn't particularly enjoy just to survive down here in Dust Town.  Hideki felt some sort of kinship to Leske because of it, like a younger brother.  Hideki was almost completely sure Leske didn't allow the same feelings, however, and Hideki was fine with that.  He didn't need another person to take care of, anyway.

 

"As fun as this chat is," Leske said, rubbing his bruising face, "Shall we get to work?  It should be a pretty quick job."  Hideki nodded, and Leske motioned down the road that led up to the richer portions of Orzammar.  "We need to head to the Commons.  Beraht caught wind that one of his surface merchants was making deals and not sending Beraht his cut.  The merchant's name is Oskias, and Beraht wants us to show him what happens to people who swindle Beraht."

 

They had begun traveling down the road, where women and children lined up begging anyone who walked down for money or food.  It was a sad sight, but in spots where the beggars didn't line the road, Hideki could see older dwarves singing songs for their children, children throwing rocks around at each other, and other dwarves wearing genuine smiles.  It was comforting to Hideki to know that even though the casteless were lower then dirt, not all let it get to them.  Some people lived happily in their conditions, resigned to their fate, and made the best they could out of it.  Hideki wished, at times, that he could be one of those people, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something better out there for him, something greater.

 

"Hideki?  Hey, are you listening?"

 

Hideki snapped back to the world, looking at Leske.  "Yes, yes.  Oskias.  Where is he?"  Leske shook his head, and smiled.  "I did some recon before I came to your place.  Apparently, he's a fan of Tapster's.  A lot of people said they saw him go straight there when he arrived this morning, so I say we check there."  Hideki nodded, adjusting his sword at his belt.  "All then.  His punishment is death?"

 

Leske simply nodded, leaving nothing to be said.  This was part of the job that Hideki hated, having to kill people who in all likelihood did what they did for their family.  Hideki understood why they did it, and he would much rather just let them go.  He couldn't, however.  He couldn't put his family in needless danger like that.  Oskias, if he did indeed cheat Beraht to support his family, was an idiot, however much Hideki empathized with him.  He put himself and his family in way to much danger, and now they would pay for it.  Hideki hated it, but it was how the world worked.

 

"I've met Oskias, a few weeks ago, so I'll know if he's in Tapster's Tavern.  We just need to hurry and get there."  Hideki simply nodded, and they continued down the road.  This job was going to be an interesting one, that was for sure.

 

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 17, 2011 at 4:09 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Cecil-Jacobs
Member
Posts: 739

This is a very good chapter. I think you are doing great! 
Are you ripping the spleen dialog from the game or did you make that up? Cuz that was hilarious!

--

Ask me about my waifus

"I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless". James Broughton

May 17, 2011 at 6:44 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

The exact why its written is my own, but the general dialogue is from the game.  It was too good to not let it go, methinks.


I'm going to try to have to completion of this job tonight, assuming LA Noire allows.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 17, 2011 at 6:53 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

Damn, typos.  I didn't see it in time to correct it.  I meant way, not why.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 17, 2011 at 7:15 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

um...wow.


Hideki

kicks

so

much

ASS.


moar. naow. plez.

--

The destructor has gone

May 17, 2011 at 10:01 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

((Here is the next part in the Hideki origin.  There is still plenty more before we take a break from Hideki, so for those of you looking forward to seeing who else I chose, you'll have to wait just a tid bit longer!

 

I am planning  keeping a roughly daily posting amount, but I am not promising anything on the frequency of my chapters.  But I'll just try to limit the length of dry periods.

 

Thanks for enjoying, guys!))

 

The difference between the Commons and Dust Town was drastic.  Dust Town was all dirt, dust, and rubble, and the people, dirty and malnourished, seemed to just fade into the background, nearly indistinguishable from the dirt and grime.  Just the stairs that led up from Dust Town to the Commons seemed out of place; they were beautiful works of stone, stories of the old Paragons carved into them.  The stairs themselves were large, and full of color, and on any given day the Dust Town residents could look up and see members of the Servant Caste sweeping the steps, but never daring to step off of the very last step, or risk being made casteless.

 

The Commons themselves also showed the gap between the casteless and those with a Caste;  all of the Commons had a rich golden color, the streets lined with ornate statues of the Paragons, the dwarves who in life made some great innovation or discovery, or dwarves, either from the surface or the Merchants Caste, calling out for any passerby (except the casteless, of course) to come to check out their wears.  Taverns and businesses served as a background for the street vendors, with people coming and going as they needed.  In Dust Town, there were no business, and no street vendors.  Only beggars, who call for donations rather then purchases, and very few houses, with most falling apart to join the much more abundant rubbles piles, which stood in Dust Town in place of the Paragon statues in the Commons.

 

Hideki and Leske knew the Commons well for dusters, since Beraht's shop and headquarters were based here.  Leske was also a regular at the Tapster's Tavern, chosing to booze himself up rather then try and actually feed himself off of Beraht's meager payments.  Hideki and Leske had also become very accustomed to the ridicule and prejudice of the guards, whom made rude comments every time they passed.  It had become somewhat of a game between the two, see who could garner the most comments before reaching their destination.  However, Hideki wasn't in the mood to play today.

 

"Lighten up, 'Deki," Leske said after a guard mentioned the declining state of the Commons since dusters could freely roam it, "With a job as heavy as this one, you can't go in looking like your pet nug just got fed to you for dinner."  Hideki chose to not respond, feeling his irritation would just cause more problems.  Leske also chose to not pester Hideki more, as he led Hideki to the Tapster's.  They stepped into the building, which was built directly into the side of the wall.

 

"Well," Leske said as they stepped in, "butter me a nug and call it a meal, looks who's here."  Leske pointed off to a table in the back, where a single man sat.  His hair was well groomed, and he wore clothes that suggested he came from the surface.  He hadn't got his casteless tattoo painted on yet, and that suggested he hadn't been here long.  All casteless were branded with a tattoo that labeled them as less then the dirt, and any surface dwarf who returned to Orzammar had to have the same tattoo painted onto their face.  However, their tattoo could be washed off, and Hideki would wear his forever.  He vaguely remembered the time he had his burned on.  Most people were lucky and only had it painted on, but Hideki had put up a fight when they tried to brand him.

 

Hideki strode quickly and purposefully to the table Oskias occupied, taking a seat across from him.  Leske came up behind him, resting his hand on the top of Oskais' chair.  "Hey!" Oskais called when Hideki sat down, "that seat is reserved for someone!"

 

Hideki sat forward  in his seat, resting his arms on the table.  "Not anymore.  Beraht wants us to have a talk with you, Oskias."

 

Oskias' eyes grew large, and his gaze shifted from Hideki in front of him to Leske at his side.  "What?  Why?  I haven't done anything to wrong Beraht!"  Oskias said, the fear in his voice evident.  Leske laughed, "That's not what Beraht thinks.  What do you think, Hideki?  Should I search his bags?"  Leske reached under the table, bring up Oskias' bag and tossing it on the table.  Hideki only nodded, his gaze never leaving Oskias.

 

"Okay, okay," Oskias said, sighing, "Look, I work on the surface as a lyrium trader.  Mages and the Chantry pay top coin for that stuff.  I made a few deals to the side, yes.  But if those deals came out profitable, Beraht would have gotten his cut.  I promise!"

 

Hideki shook his head.  "You can't cheat Beraht like that.  Profitable or not, you should have told him.  You know the rules."  Oskias nodded, the fear creeping back into his voice.  "Look, how about this.  I've got a couple of nuggets of lyrium in my bag.  You two take them, and just forget about all of this, can we?"

 

Leske looked at Hideki, his interest obviously peaked.  "How much would they go for?" Leske asked, turning back to Oskias.  Oskias shook his head, "I'm not sure.  Find the right buyer, and they could go for up to twenty soveriegns a piece."  Leske turned back to Hideki, his eyes wide.  Twenty soveriegns would be enough to feed them for months.  Buy them new weapons.  New armor.  Get out from under Beraht.  However, Hideki was not convinced.  He would not be so stupid as to lie to Beraht, and risk putting his sister in danger.  He would not accept this deal, and make Oskias' problems his own.  For the safety of his family, Oskias would have to die, and the nuggets brought to Beraht.

 

"I'm sorry, Oskias," Hideki said, "But you cheated Beraht.  You know what that means."  Hideki would not make the same mistake Oskias did.  Hearing this, Oskias jumped up out of his chair, sending it crashing backwards.  "What!  No!  Someone call the guards!"  Oskias attempted to flee, but Leske jumped quick, grabbing Oskias by the arm and pulling him backwards, eventually grabbing his other arm and holding them behind his back.  "Could anyone not about to die, please turn the other way?  This is going to get messy."  Leske called.  There was a general murmur of consent amoung the other tavern goers.

 

"Hey, if you two need anything, I'll be in the back," the barkeep called, as he stepped back into the keg-room.  Oskias stopped trying to break away from Leske then.  Hideki could see it in his eyes, he knew it was futile.  He knew he had made a mistake.  Hideki wondered if Oskias was thinking about his family, what would happen to them.  If they would find out, and when they did, what they would do.  Hideki drew his sword.  He wondered if Oskias was regretting his decision, and if so, exactly what decision he was regretting.  Working for Beraht, or attempting to cheat Beraht?  Hideki felt sorry for him, but he couldn't risk putting his own family in danger.

 

Oskias was crying now.  Sword drawn, Hideki placed his free arm on Oskias' shoulder, and leaned in close.  "I'm really sorry," Hideki whispered into his ear, "But this is the price you must pay. I cannot risk putting my family in danger for helping you.  Please, I hope you understand."  Hideki didn't wait for a responce before plunging the sword into Oskias' gut.

 

There was a gurgle, and the splash of blood hitting the floor.  Soon followed a thud, as Leske let Oskias' limp body go.  Hideki put up the sword, and turned around, wanting nothing more then to get out of the bar.  "Get the nuggets, Leske.  Beraht will want those."

 

Hideki walked out of the tavern, wondering one last thing about Oskias.  Did he think of his family as he was killed?  Or did he only think of the profits he would have earned had he not been caught?

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 19, 2011 at 11:19 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Cecil-Jacobs
Member
Posts: 739

That was really deep. I am throughly impressed, you have integrated Hideki well into the story of Dragon Age. I cannot WAIT to see what you do with the others.
I may even orgasim when they all finally join together and advance the real story.
But only maybe.

Good job! Keep up the good work!

--

Ask me about my waifus

"I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless". James Broughton

May 19, 2011 at 11:31 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

Hey guys!


Just thought I'd let you know itd be a few more days before a new chapter appears.  There are a few things going on around here that are soaking up my time, so I simply have not sat down to write anymore.  But please, go put a post up in YSBN, because those chapters take only a few minutes to write...and that way I can continue to entertain while you wait for my admittedly more epic story updates.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 21, 2011 at 5:50 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Cecil-Jacobs
Member
Posts: 739

Mitsuo-Dexl at May 21, 2011 at 5:50 PM

Hey guys!


Just thought I'd let you know itd be a few more days before a new chapter appears.  There are a few things going on around here that are soaking up my time, so I simply have not sat down to write anymore.  But please, go put a post up in YSBN, because those chapters take only a few minutes to write...and that way I can continue to entertain while you wait for my admittedly more epic story updates.

Yeah! I don't understand why I am the only one posting there right now. It's SOOO easy to help the story along.
Literaly type whatever pops into your head. Eventually one of them WILL HAPPEN.

--

Ask me about my waifus

"I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless". James Broughton

May 21, 2011 at 5:57 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

Admittedly you are the only person I've seen around PR lately.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 21, 2011 at 9:43 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

Mitsuo-Dexl at May 21, 2011 at 9:43 PM

Admittedly you are the only person I've seen around PR lately.

i've ben gone since early friday, with no internet over that time. on top of that, my phone decided to have technical issues and i'm STILL without it, but was also unable to even check in until now.

--

The destructor has gone

May 22, 2011 at 7:40 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

((Update time!  Sorry for the time it took to get this thing out.  Had to do some replanning  to go ahead and hurry up Hideki and get to the other characters, which I am sure you guys wanna meet too.))

 

Hideki sat outside of Tapsters, waiting on Leske.  It wasn't long before Leske joined, holding  two nuggets of lyrium in his hand.  He looked at Hideki, and sighed.  "Beraht's it is, then?"  Hideki nodded, stepping down the steps and turning towards Beraht's shop.  It was then he saw it.

 

"Hideki!"  Hideki spun, and froze.  Running to him from the Diamond Quarter was Rica, who was visibly afraid.  Afraid of what, Hideki did not yet know.  Both him and Leske rushed to her side,  just as a the sound of three crossbows firing echoed across the commons.  Rica gasped, and fell forward, revealing the three arrows, still quivering, sticking out of her back.

 

Hideki froze, staring forward.  Behind Rica were 4 dwarves, all dressed as nobles, with three of them lowering their crossbows.  Their leader stepped forward, smiling smugly.  "And look who it is!"  he called, laughing.  "What was your name?  Hideki?  More like casteless piece of nugshit, if you ask me."  He laughed again.

 

"That's the son of Lord Durnal," Leske whispered, but Hideki wasn't listening to anything.  His stare was blank, and fixed on Durnal's son.  Rica was dead.  Everything Hideki had worked to protect in this life was gone.  It was all laying at the tip of three seperate arrows.  All because some noble's son had decided to have some 'fun'.

 

Suddenly, Hideki's vision went red.  He felt a powerful heat build up in his chest, which then seemed to burst and spread out through all of his limbs.  It biult up in his throat until he could not contain it anymore, and Hideki roared such a roar that even an ogre would have fled for his life.  Sword out almost instantly, Hideki charged;  the noble's face instantly became etched with fear.

 

"Who taught him to Berserk?  Kill him!"  Durnal's son was back-stepping, fast, but not fast enough.  The heat that was surging through Hideki's veins carried him forward faster then he had ever moved before;  the only sounds he heard was the nobles scared screams as he began to run towards the Diamond Quarter.  Hideki was faster, and his blade struck home;  straight through the noble's back.

 

Hideki crashed into Durnal's son, falling forward.  His blade had stabbed down to the hilt within the noble, and the heat within Hideki seemed to have flow out as soon as the blade at stabbed into the noble.  Hideki laid on top of the body, unmoving, as his other sense caught up to him; he heard the cries of guards, nobles, and Leske behind him.  He felt the pain in his back, and he immediately knew he had been shot by the crossbowmen.  However, all he could see was Rica's limp body on the ground in front of him.

 

"Guards, get him!"  Hideki rough hands grab him, and he was almost literally thrown off of the now dead noble.  Hideki didn't really care what happened next, Rica was gone;  there was nothing to work for anymore.

 

"Was that a legendary Berserker in action?"  The voice was unfamiliar, and sounded foreign, posibly human.  "No," came the responce from one of the guards, "This was a duster letting his anger take over, and did something he won't live to regret."  The guards jerked Hideki around, who didn't protest.

 

It was then he saw who had spoken earlier.  Standing next to the guard captain was a tall human, who's very presence gave him a sense of importance.  He had black hair, with a thick but short (to dwarf standards) beard, and his armor a bright white and silver.  Two swords rested at his side.

 

The human stroked his beard.  The guard captain scowled at Hideki, before barking out, "Take him away, the Assembly will want to know how he disgraced our great Berserkers."  The guards began to drag Hideki away.

 

"Wait."  The human said.  "If he is just going to die, I'll take him off your hands."  The tension that formed from this statement was palpable.  The guard captain was the first to speak.  "Warden, he is a casteless.  We can offer much better then he, if you'd just wait for the Proving."

 

The human shook his head.  "No, I want him.  Its just more convenient this way.  You lose a criminal and I gain a recruit."  The guard captain obviously didn't like this.  "Have it your way, human.  Drop the duster, and clean up the mess."  The guard captain turned and walked off as soon as Hideki fell to the ground.

 

HIdeki was confused.  Why would anyone want him, a casteless?  It didn't matter.  Hideki wouldn't go with him.  There was no reason.  Rica was dead.  It was over.

 

At first, I thought Hideki was dead.  His friend, who introduced himself as Leske, helped me pick him up, and carry him to the grand entrance into Orzammar, where I had several fellow Wardens waiting.  One of them was a mage, and had the ability to heal up Hideki's wounds.  Hideki remained quiet and unresponsive upon leaving Orzammar for a week, about half way to Redcliffe.  It was then that he finally asked if the sky would ever suck him up.  From that point on, Hideki began speaking, and we finally got him to explain what happened back in Orzammar.  I explained to him that it was time to make a life for himself, as his sister Rica would have wanted.  He would be a Warden, and he would save the world from the on-coming Blight.

Or, Maker forbid, we would all die.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 30, 2011 at 9:11 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Cecil-Jacobs
Member
Posts: 739

A nice chapter, I like where this is going. A little inconsistent, but it is moving nicely. 
And now we can move on to another character too! Which is also exciting!
I'm filled with excitement! Whoo!

--

Ask me about my waifus

"I'm happy to report that my inner child is still ageless". James Broughton

May 30, 2011 at 10:04 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mitsuo-Dexl
Member
Posts: 575

9:30 Dragon, on the outskirts of Lake Calenhad docks

 

My search for recruits has yielded results, which makes me think the situation is not as bleak as it had seemed.  The more recruits I find, the greater the chances of their survival, and thus the greater the chance the archdemon would be defeated quickly.  My two recruits, Ser Jory and Hideki, did not yet know it, but they were destined for something great, and I was simply their chauffeur to greatness.

 

I remember the day Genevieve found me in Val Royeaux, stealing just to live.  Both of my parents dead, I had nothing.  I saw a lot of myself in my dwarven recruit; Hideki was a casteless dwarf, a non-person essentially to dwarves, who had resorted to crime to support himself and his sister, who he watched be murdered by a noble.  I saw in him what Genevieve must have saw in me, because I had felt that not recruiting him would have been huge mistake.  Who knows, he might end up Commander of the Grey one day like I did.  Ser Jory had no similarstory to boast, as he was the winner of the Redcliffe Grand Tournament.  I hadn't specifically been interested in recruiting any of the combatants from Redcliffe, but as promised, I recruited the winner.  I wasn't sure how far Ser Jory would go as a Grey Warden, as his wife was new with child, and he could think of nothing else.

 

The Circle of Magi tower was sitting in the middle of Lake Calenhad, concealing from me possibly the next Warden to save the world from the Archdemon.  Maker willing, Greagoir will allow me to recruit a mage....but my expectations were not high.

--

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas."

May 30, 2011 at 11:53 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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