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Captain F. Magic
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Posts: 175

Understandable. We all have shit to do.

Whoop whoop potential update.

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Professional Grumpy Old Man

March 14, 2012 at 1:17 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

>Collect Grist

You wonder what a "grist" is. You suppose it must be some Akaviri term for sweet loots. They don't have much besides furs and some iron weapons. You scavenge anything worth your time and move on up the mountain. You can see the ruins of the Barrow up ahead. The rain continues to fall, coating your armor in a thin coat of ice. By the Divines, do you hate being cold. Nothing like Black Marsh, where it was hot and humid all year long. How you miss the heat of summer. Unfortunately, it's nearing winter here and is only going to get colder...


There's a campfire burning near the entrance of the ruins, giving exactly no fucks about the cold or the rain. That means there are bandits nearby. You wait for your magicka to replenish and cast Oakflesh before running in.


>STRIFE! Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

-BURNINATE==>Yes.

-CONFLAGRATE==>Hell yes.

-DE-LIVEIFY DRACONICALLY==>Hell.

-ENKINDLE==>Fucking.

-FLAMES==>YES.

The bandits stand little chance against your superior Argonian magic. Unfortunately, none of them have the CLAW. You look at the iron doors of the ruin. The real thief must have gone inside.


>Deekin: Enter

The ruin seems to be in bad shape. There are collapsed pillars, holes in the roof and dead bandits everywhere. It would seem like there was no honor among these thieves. Speaking of which, you see two more bandits up ahead, camped out near a corridor.


>STRIFE!

Wait, couldn't you just sneak past them?

>NO. STRIFE!!!

Arrgh!

-GARNER GAZE OF GALAVANTERS==>This is far too silly.

-HINDER==>Yes, that is indeed what this method of combat text is doing.

-INTERRUPTION==>Yes, you seem to be doing an admirable job of holy fuck that Nord is barreling down on me with a greataxe.

-JUMP BACK==>Finally, some good advice! You leap backwards a step, dodging the crazy bandits swing.

-KILL==>You stomp on the axe, snapping it in two. Defenseless, you begin beating him to a pulp.

-LOSE==>The other bandit, an archer, lets loose a volley of arrows. You fall to the ground.


==>

...


>Be the other guy.

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March 24, 2012 at 1:39 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Captain F. Magic
Member
Posts: 175

> Mourn the loss of an impressive little lizard man that you may or may not have known

> Introduce yourself

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Professional Grumpy Old Man

March 24, 2012 at 2:03 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

>Sing a sad song in tribute to the impressive little lizard man that you may or may not have known

--

The destructor has gone

March 24, 2012 at 2:24 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

So...funny thing happened. I finished this arc of Hrothstuck, planning to begin a new one, only to find that Skyrim suddenly refuses to work. As such, I'm going to begin an Oblivion game and run that until Skyrim begins miraculously working again.


Also, on a related note, I'm not the only one who's had this idea, apparently...

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March 25, 2012 at 11:10 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Captain F. Magic
Member
Posts: 175

Prequel is awesome. 'Nuff said.

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March 25, 2012 at 11:51 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

For those who haven't heard/gotten around to reading, Hrothstuck is on hold until Skyrim begins working again. In the meantime, I shall post my adventures of being the other guy.

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March 26, 2012 at 5:42 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

>Deekin: Rise Up

You awake to find your hands bound, sitting in the corner of Bleak Falls Barrow. You can barely move. Sitting next to the campfire is the bandit archer who knocked you out and tied you up. She seems to be doing some sort of alchemy. Canis Root, Swamp Briar Pod...yep, looks like paralysis poison. Well, this doesn't bode well.


>Wait.

After a few minutes, you hear some skittering. The bandit hears it too. She readies her bow and...


...nothing. Nothing shows up. Great. So much for your savior. Whatever, the poison's wearing off anyways.


>Skeever: Attack.

You are now a Skeever. Look at that tasty Nord. She's enough to feed you for almost a week. And she's even tied up an Argonian for an easy meal later. You charge at the Nord, taking her by surprise. You bite her leg, bringing her neck within jumping distance...


You are now Deekin again, and you're glad the Skeever didn't go for you. As it gnaws on her, you manage to cut your binds with your claws. You proceed to barbecue the thing before it gets any ideas about nomming on you.

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May 26, 2013 at 4:55 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

Oh my god this is back. Thank you X, thank you. I re-read the whole thing just now, and it is all so much better now that I know what the hell is going on. I can also suggest much more competently this time around, for the same reason.


>Skin freshly barbecued Skeever. Its Charred Hide might be useful for brewing.


>Loot dumb bitch kidnapper.


>Gather bearings and progress!

--

The destructor has gone

May 26, 2013 at 7:30 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

>Loot dumb bitch kidnapper.

You receive a LONGBOW and a quiver of IRON ARROWS. These will be sure to come in handy, never. Seriously, you can shoot fire, ice and lightning out of your hands, why would you ever need to/want to fire a bow. Moreover, why would you need both skills? It's not like you could combine them together to make some kinda arrow channeled with lighning. That's silly.


 

 

>Skin freshly barbecued Skeever. Its Charred Hide might be useful for brewing.

 

 

 

Ew. No. Why would you cook perfectly good raw meat? Although, it IS skeever. Those things are awful regardless, what with carrying all sorts of parasites and other bad nasties. These bandits probably would've been done in by sickness from eating these things.


>Gather bearings and progress!

You continue delving into BLEAK FALLS BARROW, noticing all the weird urns and things littered around the place. You eventually reach a room where you see another bandit. At the far end of the room is a portcullis and a lever. Upon pulling the lever, dozens of poison darts fire at him, causing the bandit to swell up to almost twice his size. Euh.


You decide to not do that.


>Belly: Rumble.

Even though you had some food just a few hours ago, you wouldn't know it from the sounds your intestines are making. They sound angry. Oh look, stone pillars, with pictures of tasty animals on them. Maybe this is some ancient food ordering system, and this portcullis leads to a GREAT NORDIC FEAST. Ooh, eel! You decide that you'll take two orders of that. And, some fishy-fish to finish off with. And pull the lever...and your hunch is correct! The door opens and you find yourself not deadified. Obviously, they're all out of birds, hence why the bandit got killed. Besides, you don't eat eel, fish and fowl in the same meal. That's just weird.


>Deekin: Feast.

Unfortunately, Deekin cannot feast at this time, because Deekin is delving into an old Nordic tomb filled with bandits and, for the three of you who don't know what a "BARROWS" is, probably undead. There is no food for you here, little Argonian. Only monsters.


>Monsters?

Yes, like the GIANT FROSTBITE SPIDER that just descended in front of you.


>STRIFE

-SCREAM ==> You do an excellent job of this. Unfortunately, it does nothing but allow the spider to bite you.

-STRIKE BACK ==> You punch the spider in one of its leg-tooth-claw-arm-things and rip it off!

-SILKEN CINDERS ==> It tackles you and starts trying to spin you up into a snack for later. You light its spinnerets on fire, along with half the enwebbed room.

-SHIELD ==> You roll out from under the spider, cast Oakflesh on yourself, down a potion and cast Lesser Ward, trying to protect yourself from the flames.

-SNUFF ==> You cast Frostbite around the area to cool it off and extinguish the flames.


Most of the room is now charred black. The spider's pretty much a shriveled pile of limbs. One thing you do see, at the far end of the room, untouched by the flames, is a Dunmer, wrapped up in webbing, hanging from the doorway. He begs you to cut him down, saying that he has the claw, and knows what it does. Interesting.


Oh, hey, LEVEL UP!!!

>Alteration?

>Destruction?

>Restoration?

>Smithing?

>Alchemy?

>Light Armor?

>Lockpicking?

>Sneak?

>"Speech"?

--

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May 28, 2013 at 8:47 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

>Restoration?


>Take the Dunmer's word for it and cut him down, because quest progression dictates it he seems like a nice enough guy.


By the way, I just noticed this, and I didn't see it mentioned anywhere else in the thread. There's screenshots of Deekin himself, for those who didn't see.

--

The destructor has gone

May 28, 2013 at 9:01 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Vesicant Lemur
Member
Posts: 98

I second the vote for Restoration. Not only for the healing, but for the future Turn Undead spells. One can never have enough defenses against the walking dead.

--

Life is Absurd. Chill out. Don't give a fuck.

May 30, 2013 at 6:08 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Tamoria
Member
Posts: 234

>Destruction


I'm really glad I've actually started playing Skyrim since I last started reading this, otherwise that whole wonderful bit with the pillars would've been lost on me

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June 1, 2013 at 3:53 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

>Deekin: Level Up

You climb the Echeladder, going from HATCHES-IN-FILTH to CONFUSED-BY-LIMBS. Your Magicka increases and you raise your Restoration by one point.


>Deekin: Attempt rare and highly awesome X2 LEVEL UP COMBO!!!!!!

You succeed. Unsatisfied with the title CONFUSED-BY-LIMBS, you climb to the next rung, CRAWLS-INTO-SWAMP. Your Magicka increases again and your Destruction skill is increased.


>Take the Dunmer's word for it and cut him down, because quest progression dictates it he seems like a nice enough guy.

You cut him down. As he gathers himself, he mutters something to the effect that he'd never share the treasure with you, and begins running off. You son of a bitch. You chase him down, attempting to burninate him, mostly missing. Damn he's fast. Deeper into the catacombs you run...


...that's when you hear the moaning. The bandit stops, turns towards you with a terrified look on his face, as though he'd rather fight you and give up the treasure than face what's down there. He draws his sword, just in time to be incinerated. As you take the GOLDEN DRAGONS CLAW from his charred body, you see what he was so scared of.


Undead. Why did it have to be undead?


>Narrator: Skip to the end.

-le sigh- I suppose, if I must.

The BARROWS eventually transition from tomb to cave back to tomb. The icy dead awaken from their eternal slumber as you draw near, attracted by your lifeforce, your warmth, but most likely, the fact that you are able to finally put them to rest.

You reach the door to the SANCTUM, a strange contraption with three rings with animal symbols on them and a place for the CLAW. You insert the CLAW and...nothing happens. As you take another look at the CLAW, you see symbols identical to the ones on the door. You adjust the rings on the door accordingly and try again. It works, and the door slides open.

The room it opens into is huge. A stream cuts the cavern in half, with a massive carved stone wall, a coffin, an altar and a staircase. At the edge of your hearing, you think you can hear chanting. The wall calls to you. As you approach, the chanting gets louder, your vision begins blurring, darkening. Still, you are inexplicably drawn to it. You are almost touching it, wind seems to be blowing past you, through you, into you. You're barely able to keep your eyes open. As you touch the wall, it's like you're in a trance. You can barely make out the scratchings on the wall. Yet you know what they say. Your tongue seems to speak them on its own:


Het nok faal vahlok

Deinmaar do dovaahgolz

Ahrk aan fus do unslaad

Rahgol ahrk vulom


As you finish saying the words, the trance ends. You hear a cracking noise. You spin around and see an undead warrior rising from his crypt.


>STRIFE

-FIRE ==> It's been working so far, right?

-FUS ==> ...at least until the Draugr shouts that word at you, causing you to stumble backwards...

-FROZEN ==> ...which gives him the opportunity to strike at you with his Frozen Battleaxe. Great.

-FLEET-OF-FEET ==> It's never been your name, but sure, retreat is always a good idea. You drink a few health and magicka potions while you're at it.

-FORCEFIELDS ==> You cast Stoneskin and continue burning the cadaver. WHY WON'T HE DIE???

-FALL ==> As your magicka runs out, the Draugr falls to his knees. It's time.

-FINISH HIM ==> You grab his skull with both hands, step on his chest and kick whilst pulling.


>Deekin: Loot.

You find a Battleaxe of Frost, a pentagonal stone and a draugr skull. You head out of the SANCTUM, up the stairs, and out of the cave. It's good to see the sun once more.


>LEVEL UP!!!

>Alteration?

>Destruction?

>Restoration?

>Smithing?

>Alchemy?

>Light Armor?

>Lockpicking?

>Sneak?

>"Speech"?

 

>Something Else?

--

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June 3, 2013 at 1:44 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

>Alteration


>Return claw, reward GET!

--

The destructor has gone

June 3, 2013 at 11:34 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Tamoria
Member
Posts: 234

>Alteration


>Return claw, sell your loot, swim in gold

--


June 6, 2013 at 11:02 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

>Alteration

You climb the echeladder to the vaunted rank of SCARED-OF-INSECTS. Your Magicka and Alteration increase. You are well on your way to being a skilled mage.


>Return claw, sell your loot, swim in gold

You return the claw to Lucan and he gives you a hefty reward. He's so thankful that you found it. He happily buys what you don't want. You now have a ridiculous sum of moneys.


>What now?

Well, it's probably a good idea to tell someone about this whole dragon thing...someone in power. After asking around town, they suggest you talk to the Jarl of Whiterun, the nearest major city. Well, might as well.


>To Whiterun!

The journey is short. As you approach the city gates, the guards stop you. They say nobody is allowed to enter.


>Deekin: Attempt to appear threatening.

You ask the guard if he knows who you are. If he knows what powerful sorceries you command. That if he refuses you entry, the whole town may be incinerated in the blink of an eye. He argues that there's only one of you and a whole city full of guards. He also says that attire betrays that at most, you're a fledgling apprentice.


>Deekin: Attempt polite negotiation.

Wait, do you mean use your "Speech" skill? Didn't you hear him earlier? An entire town full of trained guards. You may not be a Shadowscale, but you're not stupid. You explain to him that you're a messenger from Whiterun, and you have news for the Jarl about a dragon that was spotted in Helgen. Upon hearing this, the guard becomes significantly more accomodating.


You are now in Whiterun.

--

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June 8, 2013 at 4:06 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Crimson DESTR0YA
Administrator
Posts: 1888

>Scan shops for new spellbooks/robes/hoods/enchanted shtuff


>Explain threat of giant reptile invasion as only a reptile can

--

The destructor has gone

June 8, 2013 at 5:41 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Vesicant Lemur
Member
Posts: 98

Let us not forget our passion for Blacksmithery.


>Check out the local smithy.

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June 8, 2013 at 9:09 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Xelakian
Member
Posts: 486

>Check out the local smithy.
Shortly upon entering the gates of the city, you see a woman covered in soot, wearing an apron arguing with a man about supplying weapons for the Imperials. The man goads her into it after a few minutes of arguing, and she returns to her forge. You peer over her shoulder, and see the beginnings of an excellent sword, much better than what you can make. Upon noticing you, she introduces herself as Adrianne, the second best smith in town, and asks if she can help you. You tell her that you're a bit of an aspiring AMATEUR SMITH, and are interested in learning more, if she has the time. She tells you she might, especially if you did a favor for her.

>Do the favor. Learn to smith. Make Daedric stuffs. Become a legend.
Yes. This is definitely a thing which is going to happen. Surely it can't be that hard. She hands you a steel sword as tall as you, beautifully engraved and balanced. She tells you that it's for the Jarl, but to present it to his steward, her father, Proventus Avenicci. She points to the large building at the top of the hill, referring to it as Dragonsreach. You begin the trek.

>Observe the peoples. Watch them mill about like so many lambs to the slaughter that they are not even aware approaches. The dragons will come and wipe the fleshy mammalian bipeds from the face of Tamriel. The dragons shall bring about the dawn of a new world. Their flames shall warm your cold-blooded brethren, and together you shall rule this new land. All will fear you. All shall despair at your mighty presence, an Argonian Archmage atop an immortal Dragon. Even the daedra, who bow to no mortal, shall acknowledge your mastery of Nirn, and pay respect to you as though it were another realm of Oblivion.
...wait, what? Sorry, you were too lost in thought about sweet rolls and throwing things at people yelling about Talos to think about any of that craziness.

Oh, hey, you're here.

>Deekin: Enter Dragonsreach.
Inside, you find a massive wooden staircase leading to a banquet hall. At the end is a Nord dressed in finery, discussing matters with a guard. Next to him are an older Imperial and a Dunmer woman, wearing leather armor. The food is what really interests you. You see some roasted ham, fresh out of the oven, the steam emanating from it. You pull out your knife and begin cutting a chunk out of it, when you feel a blade against the back of your neck. She asks if there's a reason you are interrupting council. You drop the ham. The Jarl tells her to back the fuck up, and asks you to approach him. He asks what business you have here.

>Explain threat of giant reptile invasion as only a reptile can.
You begin weaving for the Jarl, Balgruuf the Greater, as you eventually find out, your tale, of how you left your home in Narsis after "borrowing" from the wrong people, heading north to seek your fortune. After a year of travel, you found yourself in the city of Blacklight, the capital of Morrowind. After swearing allegiance to House Redoran, you were apprenticed to a youngish Dunmer mage. After teaching you a few simple spells and some basic alchemy, he sent you to fetch a book on Daedric Summoning from the Solitude in the Northwest. You stopped in Windhelm, and paid a man to cart you there, vice walking, thinking it would be safer and faster. Unfortunately, whilst passing through Hjaalmarch, you were waylaid by the Imperial Legion, who, seeing the cloak you were wearing was emblazoned with the red crab of your House, arrested you for crossing the border. They transported you to Helgen, where they attempted to execute you, but, due in part to your awesome magicks and your natural kinship with other scaly reptilians, you were rescued by a fierce dragon. At this the Jarl gives you a surprised look. You explain to him (Nords aren't the smartest race on Tamriel) that dragons are those things in the tapestries and stuff, that look kinda like an Argonians, but bigger and spikier and wingier with fiery-shouty breath of devastation. This one was all black and really spiky. Surely some kinda Daedra. It destroyed Helgen, along with the rest of the Imperial scum. It's only then that you notice the Imperial Crest emblazoned on one of the hanging banners. And by Imperial scum, you mean that they were scum because they tried to have an innocent Argonian apprentice executed. Definitely not because the Empire is a dying corpse that should have been put out of its misery centuries ago. He shows some discomfort and turns to his advisor and guard, asking their opinions. After a bit of arguing, he sends some troops to Riverwood and pulls you into another room, where he introduces you to his court wizard, Farengar Secret-Fire.

>Speak to the mage in Wizard-Language. Have him teach you all of the spells.
You're pretty sure that's not a real thing, but you ask if it is and if he'd be willing to teach you. He just gives you a look as though you'd grown another head. The Jarl explains that Farengar is currently studying the dragons and what their deal even is. Farengar tells you that he's looking for a map hidden away in Bleak Falls Barrow. You tell him that you were totally just there, but saw nothing like a map. He gives you a look of terrible disappointment and sulks back to his room. You follow him as he sinks into a terrible depression, looking half-heartedly at his books on the history of the Dragon Wars and such, and ask if he could teach you some spells. He points you in the general direction of his bookshelf, telling you to help yourself, not that you can read them as they're all in Daedric.

>You have a fondness for DAEDRIC LORE. Read the books. Learn the spells.
After a few nights of intense studying in the first language you could read, you learn a variety of spells. You learn FLAMESKIN, a variation of the alteration Stoneskin that grants additional protection from fire damage. You learn STEADFAST WARD, a restoration spell that protects you from all damage for a time. You learn FAST HEALING, a nearly instantaneous version of your normal healing restoration. You learn EYES OF THE STORM, a destruction spell that lets you shoot lightning out of your eyes at anything you look at. You also learn spells that are completely foreign to you. ALMALEXIA'S GRACE, an alteration named after the Lady of Mercy venerated by the Dunmer, allowed you to run much faster than normal as long as you continued the chant. FEATHER FALL allowed you to fall from great heights uninjured. DEVOURING SWARM was an Alteration that summoned a plague of insects to destroy the armor of the target. Finally, FADING BLAST, a destruction spell that channels pure magicka into the palm of your hand, allowing you to throw it at the target. Unfortunately, the more times it is channeled in succession, the less you are able to materialize. Yes, these will serve you well.

>Thank the mage for his teachings.
Farengar cannot respond to your thanks right now, because Farengar is having a mental breakdown.

>Be Farengar.
You are now Farengar Secret-Fire, jaded Nord wizard of Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. You have recently learned that all the research and convening with secret agents of the Blades you've done in the past few weeks has left you with nothing but false information and a dragon that could spell the end of Tamriel looming on the horizon. And to top it all off, this illiterate lizard mage-wannabe keeps borrowing your books and asking you questions.

>Get the lizard to find your map.
You tell the Argonian that he needs to go back to the Barrows, and he needs to look for a big stone. It should have a picture of Skyrim on it, with some ancient language that looks like scratches written on it. He asks if you mean this. He pulls out a huge pentagonal stone. He points out the pictures on the front, flips it over and shows you the writing on the back.

>Farengar: Freak the fuck out.
Your rage is almost uncontrollable. You're going to murder this incompetent, fish-breathed, half-witted, scale-skin, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

>Irileth: Burst in.
You are now Irileth, Housecarl of the Jarl, and, by definition, a badass. You've just received word of a dragon nearby, and must inform the Jarl so that you can kill it in the most awesome manner you can think: by climbing atop it, stabbing its skull with your sword and channeling lightning through it as it flies back to the city, causing a storm of epic proportions. Yes, that is how meterology works, you've decided. As you pass by the wizard's room, you see him on the verge of doing something stupid, and burst in to stop it and inform them of what's going on. The lizardman follows you as you find Balgruuf.

>Inform the Jarl of the Dragon.
Unfortunately, the guard who reported it to you is already talking to the Jarl. As he finishes, the Jarl orders you to muster some guards to take it on, asking the Argonian to accompany you. As you're about to leave, he tells you that this isn't a death or glory mission, that we need to know what we're dealing with. You smirk and tell him not to worry, as you're the very soul of caution.

>Deekin: Become the focus of the story once more.
You are once again Deekin. As you leave the gates of Whiterun with Irileth and the other guards, she points out the watchtower that it was spotted at. You decide to test out some of your new spells, and race there using Almalexia's Grace. Upon reaching the tower, you find it in ruins, the perimeter walls reduced to rubble, the courtyard covered with blood, charred bones and patches of fire, and inside the smoking tower is a cowering guard, who, upon seeing you, shouts to get away, saying it's still here somewhere. You look around, and see something winged approaching from the south.


--

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November 28, 2013 at 11:54 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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